I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
