He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
