What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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