You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
