I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
