I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
