just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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