if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
