im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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