Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
