Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
