you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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