i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
