the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
