Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
