I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
