I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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