I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
