I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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