Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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