I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
