I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
