would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
