My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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