so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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