apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
