even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
