Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
