she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
