I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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