The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
