At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
