Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
