yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
