1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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