There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize