So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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