I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just had sex bonerless
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
