I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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