I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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