Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
