I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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