She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
