Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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