just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
