Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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