Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I came so hard my ears popped.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
