can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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