Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
