Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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