I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
