She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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