Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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