i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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