I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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