I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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