This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
