She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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