Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize