Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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