Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
