I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
