Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
