I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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