it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
